Miracles Do Happen..

 

This is Stumpy Dumpy, our tiny little man, sent to us after 3 very long years of infertility treatment.


Infertility changes the way you think about people and the way you think about yourself.

Its a rollar coaster of emotion, that can send you off the edge in just one single phone call, one look in a pram, one single invitation to a baby shower.

I remember it like it was only yesterday. Even after 2 years, just like it was yesterday, that raw emotion and desperation.

I dont think people can really appreciate it unless you have walked the road and worn the coat.

After these 3 years at our 12 week scan I remember asking if everything was ok ?.

I will never forget the look on the Womans face when she said I will be right back.

Every body knows what right back means. It means she has to find some other poor bugger to tell me the bad news.

And they did....we were given a 1 in 22 chance of there being something wrong with our little man.

1 in 22.

After all this !! ..

Our Dr was wonderful pushing for an ammnio and scan in a high risk clinic ASAP. But he did say the odds were poor.

It was the worst month, how do you bond with a baby that may not survive ?. I wanted to tell the world we were pregnant but what if ?...what do I tell them then. I remember when we lost Will ( our second son) at 12 weeks. We had seen his heart beat and shared our happy news with family and friends only to loose him at the next scan, right in front of my eyes, "yes theres the heart beat", "oh wait, its stopped again".

I remember all the stupid remarks that people said....

It happened for the best.
It wasnt meant to be.
Something must of been wrong with It.
The list went on.....

I remember the Dr telling me to go home and wait for my body to go into labour, I remember sitting in his office a week later crying and begging him to take him out.

I couldnt do this again, not after 3 years. There was no way I was giving up, there was no way Stumpy was giving up on us...

I dont rememeber a lot about the ammnio, I walked in on auto pilot, and when the Dr asked if we wanted to know the sex of the baby, I never answered. Infact I never really spoke at all.

I just remember thinking how cold DH hand was on my shoulder and the movement in my belly when he placed it there.

Did Stumpy know everything was ok?. Was he trying to tell his Daddy ?.

I think it was shock and I was really waiting for him to say, " Oh I'm sorry there is no heart beat ".

But he never did.

We left and I went home, safe and tucked up in bed. To frightened and frail to move.

48 hours later my Dr rang.

"He's ok, his 100% ok".

And he was.

But you know what, I worried about it everyday until I held him in my arms for the first time. I searched every tiny bit of his small body at least 4 times. I remember telling DH to do the same when he first cuddled him.

I remember all 3 of us climbing into bed and DH leaning over and saying...

He is so worth it, isnt he?. Look at him, after everything, look at him.....