I was asked the question on the weekend by a clients relative.
"How long have I worked in palliative care?, normally followed by a gasp and then silence"...and ended with...don't you feel morbid?.
My response......was...
I have worked in palliative care for 16 years and I wouldn't change a second of it for anything.
I have never looked at palliative care as a form of morbid nursing, in fact I believe I have seen amazing strength,honest truth and such raw love, that most people can only dream about.
I have heard stories of hope, beautiful memories and shared in dreams.
I have held families hands and clients hands and feel honored to share with them their final journey.
Sometimes we laugh and sometimes I shed a tear with them.
I once had a little girl come visit her grandma,her mother would not let the little girl in the room.
The grandmother was asking for the little girl and I knew it would mean so much to the grandmother if she could see her grandchild one last time.
I spoke to the Mother alone for a long time, we spoke about her fears and what to expect. I spoke to the little girl about 10 at the time.
Fortunately she did not express her mothers fears.....
She ran into her grandmothers frail arms...and lent over the bed rails.
I took them down.
The little girl said to her grandmother..."remember Granny when I used to sleep at your house I would crawl into bed with you and you would stroke my hair?"
I said" you can do that now if you want, I am sure Granny would love that"...
The little girl did and spent 1 hour in that bed with her grandmother. As sick as the woman was she stroked her granddaughters hair the entire time....
Granny passed away 25 minutes after she left.....
That last hour...was so important to that little girl and her grandmother....
That last hour was amazingly beautiful...
The mother and daughter came back 6 weeks later to thank me for encouraging them to have that time together..
That sweet little girl...and that hour with her grandmother is forever etched in my memory...
It is scenes like this that make my job...so worth it...
This is why I have stayed so long...this is what I really love to do....
This is what I was born to do.....
Right Now- June Recap
4 weeks ago
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21 comments:
Danielle -- The story about the little girl and her grandmother, made me cry. It is so beautiful. You are right -- what you do isn't morbid -- it is God's work! I'm blessed to know you.
I so think nurses in palliative and hospice care are amazing...morbid never crossed my mind.
you are doing a wonderful thing!
For me, caring nurses are THE most important people in the whole health care system, even more so when it comes to what you are doing. My mom was a nurse and she says that working on the terminal cancer wards was her favourite part - laying them out at the end and making them look peaceful too.
My wife nursed her mom through her final weeks with breast cancer last year. She would not have missed it for anything.
When we lost our daughter in 2005 the nurses were wonderful and did their best to make her time in hospital as good as possible - the doctors were another matter, but that is another story!
Anyone who thinks you are morbid does not understand the beauty of what you do.
It takes a special kind of person to serve that occupation... Obviouslt you have the gift.
You are one in a handful of people blessed with the ability to do that job.
My husband is another one of them. He tells me stories much like the one you just did, and his eyes well up when he does.
What an amazing person you are Dan, those people are lucky to have you, especially at such an important time.
Oh, that made me cry so hard. Thank you for sharing that very touching story.
You changed 3 people's lives that day. You are wonderful!!
Those are the times in our lives that are etched in our memory that make a difference in the way we see the world.
When my father in law was dying (rather unexpectedly and quickly) his 3 sons (my husband is the youngest) and we wives were all in the room and it was so nice. We were all laughing (I am sure that some of the neighboring rooms/families thought we were crazy, but we were sharing stories about him and things that always made him laugh. When the end was near (I recognized the respiratory distress that everyone else thought was dad "snoring" and I felt an odd comfort knowing that as he was slipping away to the sounds of his sons laughing. So, no I don't think you are morbid AT ALL!
I have found that many people find it hard to accept that their loved one is dying and won't talk with them about what their wishes are and what they need near the end.
When my Mum died I found so many caring people who helped me through the accepting of her going. When my Aunt was near death (cancer) she spent her last weeks at home. No one would accept that the end was near and they wouldn't talk to her about it, they would just say no you will pull through, even though it was plain to see she wouldn't this time. She was so frustraited as she wanted to say her goodbyes properly. I talked to her and we shared our feelings and thoughts on what was coming and what would happen when she did pass on.
She gave me something special that I can never thank her enough for. She told me she would give me a sign when she passed on to the next world.. and we picked which sign I needed to know she made it up there with my mum. Sure enough when I came back from the funeral she gave me the sign. It was the most amazing thing she could have done and I am forever in no doubt there is a crossing over and a heaven waiting for us when we die.
People such as yourself are angels in the making. Thankyou for the amazing gift you give everyday.
Love and Hugs from me and everyone who couldn't or didn't get the chance to say it to you,
Lesley
That is a very touching story. If I had tear ducts, I probably would have cried.
Sandra...It sure it...I'm also glad we found each other !
TZ...Thanks...Have you decided which area you are going into ?.
Rock Chef...What you said is beautiful. Thank you. It was beautiful to hear that your wife looked after her mum and would not have changed a minute of it...I love hearing stories like this.
Doc...Thank you....I do belive it is a gift...
Ali...Thanks Chickie...I bet your DH has many beautiful stories as well. Reminds me to run over and check his blog...it has a great name ! x
Dodi...How are you feeling, I have been thinking about you. x
Ohn... I swear you need to start writing a book...your comments are always beautiful. I love reading them. Thank you.
Lesley...Thank you for those beautiful words...
DF...LOL...What happened to your tear ducts ?
OMG Dan! You made me cry so much with that story. When I was 8 my grandfather was dying in hospital and i wanted to go see him. I begged my father to please let me go see him - i just knew i HAD to see him THAT very day. My parents said no. Said it was no place for a little girl. I was made to stay home and my dad went there alone. The next day they told me that my grandfather had passed away not long after my father got there. I never forgave them for not letting me see him.
Thank goodness that little girl didn't miss out as i did. She won't go the rest of her life wishing she had had that chance.
Thank goodness for your beauty, love and kindness. You know - the saying is that beauty is only skin deep - well I challenge that saying cause I have known you for many years now and I know that beauty runs deep inside you. You are one in a million - thank you for being in my life!
Oh Bugs...That is just beautiful. Thanks so much for all your kind words... Love ya x
SIS...I'm thinking Labor and Delivery...but not sure, would also like emergency...I know I couldn't do Palliative care, but that's what i like about nursing there are so many different areas for different personalities...
one of the neat things about palliative care is caring for the families along w/ the patient...it's like you have 4 or 5 patiens...i think people forget about caring for the families who are living and not just the patient who is dying
still, don't see anything morbid.
TZ...Great choice !...
That is what I am studying for L&D, although as excited as I was at first, now I think there is a part of me that will never leave palliative care....
Does that make sence ?
I've never heard of palliative care, (hospice yes) - and it sounds like you will be missed!
That one story alone, what you did was so wonderful - here we go, crying again! You'll obviously be a great nurse, were ever you are.
That is a beautiful story, and I can see why your job would be rewarding. I'm sure that you are doing what you were meant to do, as not all of our assignments in life of from our on-earth employer :) I wrote about a similar story a week or two ago.
http://mrs4444.blogspot.com/2008/03/saying-goodbye-to-bob.html
Landed here through TZ's blog. I'll be back...
Okay...one more thing...when my dad died 3 years ago yesterday of Acute Myeloid Leukemia (just five days after "feeling sick," a nurse who was with us referred to him as a "whiner." I am tearing up now in remembrance. I called her on the carpet for it (in a letter later), and she apologized sincerely. NOw that I know what dying looks like (the 24 hours leading up to it), I kind get mad all over again; surely she, as a professional, knew he was dying. To call my dad, a WWII vet who had the day before undergone a bone biopsy a "whiner." Sorry to go one here...thanks for the avenue.
Half past kissing time. I am sorry that the nurse spoke like that. She was way out of line.
Thanks for dropping by,I will be sure to check out your link.
Danielle - I think that the moments before we die are some of the most important moments in our lives. Thank God that you and other do what you do for families of the dying.
Melanie
PS - Thanks for popping in on our blog.
You are a special person.
Wow, my eyes are welling up. What a powerful story! It takes a special kind of person to do that job. Your patients are lucky to have you!
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